Eleven days until graduation. Only one more Monday. One Tuesday. Only eleven more days. It's difficult to deal with this, as you might expect. I knew, from the outset that the end of the year would be difficult. I wouldn't have any money, any plans, any connections to people who could help me find either of these things. I knew that it would be me on a raft without any compass or paddles, using my arms as oars. All of this, I knew and it freaked me the fuck out.
What I didn't know, what I didn't expect, in a characteristically Jaime fashion, is that I wouldn't care so much about any of these things. Sure, there is still some anxiety. It still takes me an hour more to fall asleep at night than it should, but somehow I get the feeling that all of this (the panic) is nothing to worry over. Instead, I have found a whole new slew of disconcerting items (Listed below).
1. When I walk around campus I feel like a stranger in a ghost town or a projectionist that has inexplicably been sucked into the nostalgia film he has been projecting.
2. Time seems to have stopped.
3. Dishes and laundry and recycling multiply at alarming rates.
4. Goodbyes seem empty. I refuse to comprehend the undeniable fact that I will probably never see these people again.
5. I can't imagine a life not here. I can't imagine a life here either for that matter.
Not to say that it's all bad though. It's great, mostly. Just strange....
